somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
