I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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