That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
