I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
