you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
