Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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