at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
