Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
