At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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