Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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