he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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