I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
