How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
