Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
