Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
