That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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