cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
