Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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