i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
