matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
