He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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