I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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