everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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