I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
