I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
