last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
