i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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