Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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