ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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