Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
