ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
