Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
