Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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