Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
