I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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