He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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