Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
