Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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