Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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