You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i'm inner monologue high
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
