I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
