I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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