You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
