Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
