You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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