i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
