so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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