Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
