just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
NoShamevember. You game?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
