a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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