this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
