In the future we'll all be gay
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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