Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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