Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
