my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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