I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
